“Am I Too Much?”: The Hidden Fear Behind Overthinking and People-Pleasing

You’ve probably felt it before — that nagging worry that you’re somehow too much for the people around you… Too emotional. Too needy. Too intense. Too complicated.

So you dial it down. You hold your tongue. You sugarcoat your feelings. You apologize for your existence — sometimes without even realizing it.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. This fear shows up in therapy all the time, and it runs deeper than insecurity. It’s a form of shame — one that tells you your very being might be a problem.

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Where This Fear Starts

The fear of being too much is usually learned.

Maybe you grew up in a household where emotions weren’t welcome — where being sad, angry, or excited got you labeled as dramatic or difficult.
Maybe someone told you, directly or indirectly, that your needs were inconvenient.
Maybe you were the one holding it together for everyone else, so there was never room for your own mess.

And so you adapted.
You learned to shrink yourself, filter yourself, second-guess every sentence before it came out. You became hyper-aware of your impact — because somewhere along the way, it felt like the only way to stay safe or connected.

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The Cost of Shrinking

The problem is, that shrinking doesn’t come without consequences.

• You overthink everything you say and do.
• You struggle to ask for what you need — or feel guilty when you do.
• You say yes when you mean no, just to avoid disappointing someone.
• You keep your real feelings buried until they bubble up in anxiety, resentment, or exhaustion.

And maybe worst of all, you start to believe that the filtered version of you is the only one who’s acceptable.

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You Are Not Too Much

Let’s pause here and say the thing out loud:

You are not too much.
You were just made to feel that way by people who couldn’t handle the depth, intensity, or realness you bring.

That’s not your fault. And it’s not a permanent condition.

Therapy isn’t about fixing who you are — it’s about untangling the messages you’ve internalized so you can show up fully, without shame.

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What Healing Can Look Like

If you’ve carried this fear for a long time, healing might feel foreign — or even dangerous. But it doesn’t have to be big and dramatic. It starts small.

• Naming the fear when it shows up: “This is that ‘too much’ voice again.”
• Noticing your patterns without judgment: “I just edited myself again to avoid rejection.”
• Testing the waters with safe people: “What happens if I show a little more of my real self here?”
• Rebuilding trust with yourself: “I can take up space. I don’t have to apologize for existing.”

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Want Help Untangling This?

If you’ve spent years feeling like too much — or not enough — therapy can help you rewrite that story.

At Sandstone Therapy, we work with people who are tired of shrinking, tired of guessing what version of themselves is acceptable, and tired of being stuck in self-doubt. You don’t have to keep walking on eggshells. You’re allowed to take up space — just as you are.

Reach out here when you’re ready. We’ll meet you there.

Author: Bodie Coates, LMFT-S, LCADC-S, NCC