The Fear of Being Ordinary (And Why It’s Exhausting)

You know, it kind of sucks that somewhere along the line, “ordinary” became a dirty word.

Not ambitious enough. Not inspiring enough. Not worthy enough.

We live in a time where everyone is supposed to be building a brand, launching something, going viral, and reaching new heights. Even if you’re doing something meaningful, it can feel like you’re falling short unless it’s loud, shiny, and public.

And that belief? It’s making people quietly miserable.

Why “Ordinary” Feels Like Failure

If you’ve ever felt ashamed of just wanting a calm life… you’re not alone. A lot of people are grinding themselves into burnout, not because they want to, but because they’re afraid of what it would mean to stop. They’re not chasing joy. They’re running from perceived insignificance.

This pressure to “make something of yourself” isn’t just internal. It’s baked into our culture—from childhood trophies to adult hustle culture to influencers pretending their daily life is a movie. But when you believe that being ordinary makes you unlovable or unimportant, it creates a constant, low-level panic that you’re not doing enough. It’s a fear of shame.

That panic doesn’t go away when you accomplish more. It just moves the goalpost further and further.

You are Not a Project

You’re a person—not a brand, not a resume, not a performance.

It’s okay to have ambition, and it’s okay to want to live big. But if your life only feels meaningful when it’s impressive, that’s a heavy way to live. Especially when nobody around you is actually asking you to be impressive! They just want you to be present.

The irony is: when people do something truly special, it’s rarely because they were trying to be extraordinary. It’s because they were committed to something honest and real. Something that mattered to them.

And often? That something looks quiet from the outside.

What if “Enough” Is Enough?

This isn’t about lowering the bar. It’s about asking why the bar was so high in the first place. Do some self-analysis and see if you’re chasing something that doesn’t need to be chased:

• Who told you you needed to be exceptional to deserve rest?
• Who convinced you that being ordinary means being forgettable?
• When did doing something “just for you” stop being a good enough reason?

Because sometimes the most radical thing you can do is live an ordinary life… on purpose.

Author: Bodie Coates, LMFT-S, LCADC-S, NCC