The Trap of Only Seeing What You Expect

Ever had a friend buy a bright red car and suddenly you see bright red cars everywhere? It’s not that the world suddenly flooded with them—it’s your brain’s selective attention at work. Confirmation bias is that same principle, but applied to beliefs.

If you believe your boss doesn’t like you, you’ll notice the missed “good morning” but ignore the time they asked for your opinion. If you believe your partner is losing interest, you’ll remember the forgotten text but overlook the thoughtful coffee they brought you last week.

The human brain likes patterns and predictability. It’s efficient—but also dangerous. We filter the fire hose of information down to what feels consistent with our current narrative. That means we end up “proving” ourselves right, even when we’re dead wrong.

For anxiety, this is jet fuel. If your mind is primed to expect danger or rejection, you’ll unconsciously collect proof for it all day. It’s not a conspiracy—it’s just your brain trying to make sense of the chaos by grabbing the data points that fit your fears.

The antidote isn’t to stop having biases. You can’t. But you can slow them down. Notice your inner “aha” moments and ask: What would I see if the opposite were true? Mindfulness is useful here, not as some magical calm button, but as a way to actually see what’s happening—without your brain’s editorial spin.

Confirmation bias is sneaky because it feels like truth. But truth is bigger than what you’ve noticed so far. You might be wrong—and that can be the best news of your week.

Author: Bodie Coates, LMFT-S, LCADC-S, NCC