When Stress Becomes Too Much: Finding Your Way Out of Overwhelm

There’s stress… and then there’s the kind of stress that swallows you whole. The kind that makes your heart race just looking at your calendar, or keeps you staring at the ceiling at 2 AM wondering how you’re going to make it through tomorrow.

We like to think of stress as “motivation,” a signal that we’re being productive or doing something worthwhile. But when stress turns into overwhelm, it’s not just uncomfortable — it’s corrosive. It eats away at your focus, your relationships, and your health.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re drowning in responsibilities or anxiety, you’re not alone. And more importantly, you’re not powerless.

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The Anatomy of Overwhelm

Overwhelm is what happens when the demands placed on you exceed the resources you feel you have to cope with them. It’s not just about the actual workload — it’s about your perception of control, support, and capacity.

That’s why two people can experience the same situation (say, a work deadline or a family crisis) and respond completely differently. For one, it’s manageable. For the other, it feels impossible.

What makes overwhelm so tricky is that it hijacks both the body and the mind.

• Physically, stress hormones surge, creating tension, headaches, fatigue, or digestive issues.
• Mentally, your thoughts scatter, self-doubt rises, and decisions that should feel simple suddenly feel paralyzing.
• Emotionally, irritability or hopelessness can take over, making you feel like there’s no way out.

It’s not just “too much to do.” It’s “too much to hold.”

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Why We Stay Stuck in the Cycle

One of the cruelest parts of overwhelm is how self-perpetuating it becomes. The more anxious you feel, the harder it is to act. The harder it is to act, the more the tasks pile up. The more the tasks pile up, the more anxious you feel.

This creates what I often call the stress spiral. And once you’re caught in it, your brain starts sending messages like:

• “You should be able to handle this.”
• “You’re falling behind.”
• “You don’t have time to slow down.”

Ironically, those exact thoughts make the spiral spin faster.

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Breaking the Spiral: What Actually Helps

Escaping overwhelm isn’t about magically erasing responsibilities. It’s about shifting how you relate to them — and to yourself — so that stress doesn’t run the show. Here are some ways forward:

1. Pause Before You Push

The instinct in overwhelm is often to push harder: stay up later, work faster, say yes to more. But one of the most radical things you can do is stop, breathe, and check in with yourself.

Even 60 seconds of mindful breathing can interrupt the stress response in your body and give you just enough clarity to make a better next move.

2. Break It Down Into What’s Next

When everything feels urgent, your brain floods with “all at once” thinking. That’s why making a simple list of the next three things you can realistically do is powerful.

Not all 100 things. Just three. And when those are done? Write down the next three. This keeps you anchored in action without letting the big picture crush you.

3. Challenge the “Shoulds”

So much overwhelm comes from invisible rules we’ve internalized:

• I should be more productive.
• I should be able to handle this without help.
• I should have figured this out by now.

Try replacing “should” with “could.” For example:

• I could try this differently.
• I could ask for support.

That small word shift creates flexibility where shame once lived.

4. Care for Your Nervous System

Stress is not just mental — it’s deeply physiological. Which means caring for your body matters:

• Move your body in ways that feel grounding (walks, stretching, lifting, dancing).
• Prioritize rest — even short naps or earlier bedtimes can restore balance.
• Limit stimulants like caffeine or doomscrolling that amplify nervous energy.

When your nervous system feels steadier, so does your mind.

5. Let Support In

Overwhelm thrives in isolation. Asking for help doesn’t mean you’re failing — it means you’re human. Whether it’s delegating tasks, talking with a therapist, or simply telling a friend, “I’m maxed out right now,” connection helps share the load.

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The Deeper Work: What Overwhelm is Really Saying

Sometimes, stress and anxiety aren’t just about the workload. They’re messengers pointing to deeper patterns.

• Are you carrying responsibilities that aren’t really yours?
• Are you saying “yes” when you need to be saying “no”?
• Are you expecting yourself to operate like a machine instead of a human being?

Often, overwhelm exposes the ways we’ve been living beyond our limits, ignoring our values, or trying to meet impossible standards. That doesn’t make you weak. It makes you someone who’s ready to shift.

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A Different Relationship With Stress

Here’s the truth: stress will always exist. Life will always bring deadlines, conflicts, and unexpected changes. The goal isn’t to eliminate stress — it’s to change your relationship with it.

When you learn to pause, to prioritize, to care for your body, and to challenge the rules that keep you trapped, stress no longer has to mean suffocation. It can become information. A signal. A reminder that you need to adjust.

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Closing Thoughts

If you’re overwhelmed right now, take this as permission: you don’t need to have it all figured out by tonight. You don’t need to fix everything at once.

You just need one small next step. Then another. Then another.

That’s how people rebuild lives after loss. That’s how people heal after trauma. And that’s how you can loosen the grip of anxiety and stress.

The spiral doesn’t have to keep spinning. You can step out of it — gently, slowly, one steady breath at a time.

And if you need support? You don’t have to go through it alone. There’s no shame in saying, “This is too much for me right now.” Sometimes, that’s the most courageous thing you can do.

Author: Bodie Coates, LMFT-S, LCADC-S, NCC