You Don’t Need to Fix Yourself — You Need to Understand Yourself
A lot of people come to therapy thinking they’re broken. They say things like:
“I just want to fix this.”
“Something’s wrong with me.”
“Why can’t I just be normal?”
That pressure to be “fixed” — to reach some imaginary version of yourself where nothing hurts and nothing’s messy — is exhausting. And it’s based on a lie.
You are not a malfunctioning machine. You’re a human being. And the goal isn’t to fix you — it’s to understand you.
Where the Fix-It Mentality Comes From
We live in a culture obsessed with self-improvement. Productivity hacks. Clean eating. Five-step life-changing morning routines. There’s always something you should be doing to become better, calmer, happier, more “together.”
And if you’re struggling, the world often responds with:
- “Just try this breathing app.”
- “Have you read this one book?”
- “You really need to cut out gluten and negative people.”
Even therapy can get twisted into another place to perform or produce results. But real growth doesn’t come from squeezing yourself into a better shape. It comes from finally understanding why you feel the way you do — and treating that part of you with some damn compassion.
You’re Not Broken — You’re Responding to Life
Let’s say you avoid conflict like the plague. Maybe you freeze up or shut down when someone’s upset. You could label that as dysfunctional — or you could recognize that your nervous system learned this response for a reason.
Or maybe you overachieve like your life depends on it. You’re burning out, but you can’t stop. That might not be a flaw — it might be a survival strategy that started when you equated love with performance.
When you look closer, most of your “problems” aren’t random. They’re patterns. Adaptations. Stories you’ve internalized in order to cope.
Understanding them doesn’t excuse harmful behavior. But it does allow for self-respect. It opens the door to change that’s rooted in awareness instead of shame.
Self-Understanding Changes Everything
Understanding yourself means you start asking different questions:
- Instead of “How do I stop being like this?”
You ask, “When did I start being like this — and why?” - Instead of “What’s wrong with me?”
You ask, “What has this part of me been trying to protect?” - Instead of “How do I fix this?”
You ask, “How can I respond with more clarity and care?”
These questions lead to growth that’s sustainable. Because it’s not about conquering your feelings — it’s about relating to them differently.
Therapy Isn’t About Perfection — It’s About Permission
In therapy, you don’t need to perform. You don’t need to prove anything. You don’t need to come in with a plan.
You just need to show up as you are. The rest — the insight, the shift, the relief — comes from doing the work of understanding your own story with someone who knows how to hold it.
And from there, real change becomes possible. Not because you finally fixed yourself, but because you stopped fighting yourself long enough to listen.
Ready to Start That Conversation?
If you’re tired of chasing fixes and just want a space to breathe, process, and make sense of your experience, we’re here for that. At Sandstone Therapy, we don’t treat you like a problem to solve. We treat you like a person worth understanding.
Reach out today. You don’t have to figure it out alone.
Author: Bodie Coates, LMFT-S, LCADC-S, NCC
Sandstone Therapy 
Absolutely powerful! 💬✨ You’re not broken—you’re becoming. 🌿 Understanding yourself isn’t just healing, it’s transformation. This message needs to be heard more. 🧠❤️ #SelfAwarenessHeals
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