The Myth of “Getting Over It”

We’ve all heard it: “You just need to get over it.” Usually offered with good intentions, but let’s be honest—it’s one of the least helpful phrases out there. Grief, trauma, loss, even heartbreak—these aren’t speed bumps you bounce over once and leave behind. They’re more like scars. They fade, they stop bleeding, but they’re part of you forever.

The myth of “getting over it” sells us the idea that healing has a finish line. That there’s a magical day when you’ll wake up, shrug, and say, “Well, glad that’s over!” But healing doesn’t work like that. There’s no clock that says time’s up.

Why We Crave Closure

Part of the reason people push the “get over it” narrative is because pain makes us uncomfortable—not just our own, but other people’s too. We don’t like being reminded that life is fragile, that hurt lingers, that love doesn’t vanish just because someone is gone.

Saying “get over it” is really saying, “Please stop reminding me that pain is real.” It’s a way to tidy up something that can’t be tidied.

What Healing Really Looks Like

Healing isn’t erasing—it’s adapting.

• You don’t “get over” losing someone you love. You learn how to keep living while carrying their memory.
• You don’t “get over” trauma. You learn how to build safety and reclaim what was taken from you.
• You don’t “get over” heartbreak. You learn how to trust again, even knowing you might get hurt.

Healing is about weaving pain into your story without letting it define your entire identity.

Three Shifts to Rethink Healing

1. Replace “get over it” with “live with it.” Pain doesn’t disappear—it changes shape. Living with it means it’s not running your life, but it’s still acknowledged.
2. Stop racing the clock. There’s no deadline for grief or recovery. Some days are lighter, some days are heavier. That doesn’t mean you’re failing.
3. Honor the scar. The fact that you hurt means you loved, trusted, or cared deeply. That’s not weakness—it’s evidence of a meaningful life.

Closing Thought

The truth is, “getting over it” is a myth we’d be better off retiring. Healing is less about crossing a finish line and more about learning to carry what’s happened to us in a way that doesn’t weigh us down forever. You don’t need to “get over” your pain. You just need to learn how to keep going—messy, human, and still capable of joy.

Author: Bodie Coates, LMFT-S, LCADC-S, NCC